I'm too excited to sleep

I'm going to start taking piano lessons again!

And I can't stop thinking about it.

(Or I just drank too much coffee this morning

and my tiny cup o' tea had too much caffeine this afternoon...

I'm very sensitive.)

Left behind...

Alright so I haven't posted in a while...sorry....

I'm just going to be honest here for a bit okay?

They want me to go back to this old psychologist I saw

back when I was in college and when I was a kid,

they want me to get tested for adult A.D.D.

I quit taking medicine in college because I just didn't want to be on meds forever.

An old roommate of my sisters prayed for me to be delivered

and I thought I was

Five or so years later I'm still playing through my old piano music

and listening to recordings of my favorite pieces

I used to play

and usually

I cry

what if I had been practicing all those years

I was so productive when I was taking medication.

I would practice for hours

and I loved it.

I was good and only getting better.

Now what?

I'm unmotivated, goal-less and my job is slow and irregular.

I don't want to go to the psychologist because

it makes me feel kinda dumb.

I don't want to be diagnosed with A.D.D. again because

that makes me feel like a child.

I don't want to feel like I've already failed at life.

I just want to be normal.