Isiah 49

¹³ Shout for joy, O heavens; 

       rejoice, O earth; 
       burst into song, O mountains! 
       For the LORD comforts his people 
       and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

 ¹⁴ But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, 
       the Lord has forgotten me."

 ¹⁵ "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast 
       and have no compassion on the child she has borne? 
       Though she may forget, 
      I will not forget you!

 ¹⁶ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; 
       your walls are ever before me.

Sweet

The Lord's Prayer

Give us today our daily bread

Give us TODAY what we need for TOMORROW

I must tell you...

about my recent discovery. Steel cut oats. 

We had some sitting in our pantry for the longest time only being played with every now and again in recipes and last night I decided they needed to be tried as a warm breakfast cereal.

So I made some this morning with cranberries and brown sugar.

Yum.

And now I'm making some for breakfast for my early mornings tomorrow and Wednesday.

"Dyin' is the day worth livin' for!"

I love reckless abandonment!

I love movies about it. (i.e. 300)

((But I just watched Pirates of the Caribbean marathon on TV.))

I love seeing people with crazy amounts of passion.

Reckless - (of a person or their actions) without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action. Rash, heedless, impetuous, audacious. (showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks.)

Abandonment - to give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking) cease to support or look after; to leave, without intending to return; to leave especially as an act of survival.

Recklessly obeying God, without even caring what will happen to you, or what people will think, just being obedient. Abandoning your past, your sin, your way of thinking without any intent of returning as an act of survival. Audaciously and impetuously following God.

Thats how I want to live my life.

As a big adventure.

Never knowing what's coming next, taking leaps for the kingdom.

Living for the day that I die.

Living only for God, my master.

Living for something worth dying for.

Boundaries

Boundary - a line that marks the limit of an area

Everybody has boundaries, 

and everybody wants to know where boundaries lie. 

They are an important part in our life; personal space, property lines, rules and behavioral boundaries. 

Boundaries are the first things babies learn.

Yet all the way through life we are all trying to push our boundaries. 

Everybody wants to know what they can and cannot get away with, how far they can push the boundaries, how far they can push you what are you willing to put up with. 

Boundaries are crucial between men and women.

Boundaries are good. They protect us as individuals and they protect us as people. 

Where do your boundaries lie and what kind of a standard do they convey?

Some things about me:

Some facts you might or might not know about me:

-I am a female percussionist 

-I love being a girl

-I wish I could dress really cool all the time

-I love to bake

-I still struggle with my body image

-I can't wait to find my husband and be able to Submit

(email me about this and we'll twalk)

-I wish I didn't have to shave my legs

-I'm discovering that one of my top love languages is Quality Time

-I have the coolest boss ever!

-I really love the people I know but sometimes have a hard time 

expressing and showing them how much I love them

-My little cousins and I dreamed up a Sweet dream house 

not too long ago and you should ask me about it :)

-I love God and He loves me and sometimes I just want to 

scream it to the world

Check it:

Check out this cool B.V. God gave me this morning:

And a great road will go through that once deserted land.

It will be named the Highway of Holiness.

Evil-minded people will never travel on it.

It will be only for those who walk in God's ways;

fools will never walk there.

Isaiah 35:8

The whole chapter is cool and I'm sure if I read a lil' further back and a lil' further ahead it would be even cooler. But it's still pretty cool.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE A TATTOO!!!

Sometimes it just hits me...

How do I know He loves me

How do I know that Jesus is real? 

It's when I get those goose-bumps 

when I feel His love, excitement and enthusiasm 

so strongly while teaching.

It's the goofy inside jokes I have with

....myself.

It's having the longest and hardest work day

and walking away with Joy

 excited, enthralled and ready to go for the next one.

It's playing good timpani parts,

playing good music,

with great musicians.

Wanting to scream with excitement that

I get paid to do this!

My life

is good.

A Time to Love

I just had a glorious moment while sitting on our "porch" with a cup of hot coffee spending a little time with God before my feet got too cold. And in those few minutes we had a good heart to heart I'll share with you.

I had the pleasure of attending a wedding last night of two of my friends and it reminded me of the brides perspective on a relationship with God. This morning as I was flipping through my bible I came upon an encouraging word she gave me probably two years ago and a couple things grabbed my heart. She saw a swing set and interpreted it as I am the Lords playmate, she saw angels in a forest watching me because they were intrigued by me, and this one, parts of God are captivated by me.

I forget sometimes about Gods romance. 

It's not a one way street. I have my part in seeking Him out but sometimes I get caught up in 'I'm not doing enough' or that He's loving me in a far off distance only enough to cover my sin not enough to have passion for me. There's a time to be 'grounded' and know your place and there is a time to be wooed by your lover.

Lord, come show us your passion, your passionate love for us!

What God does for me

Over these past couple of weeks (I have a short memory span, it's probably been longer) God has been amazing! Like, unexplainably great to me! 

I've been praying and asking God for all sorts of things going into situations that I might not feel real comfortable in, teaching and dealing with middle and high schoolers, giving me TONS of grace with work...the list goes on!

I will pray and ask for all sorts of things (somethings I won't remember praying for) and God has been consistently delivering!

I'm still in shock.

I feel like I'm getting spoiled.....

I'm kind of okay with that...

Holy cow God is amazing!

It's probably time pt. 2

"When you give your testimony, heaven Literally manifests around you and Literally drives away all demons." Brad McClendon

That fall semester of my sophomore year was when my drinking and foolishness peaked, I was depressed (thinking I was happy) and my body was deteriorating with my unhealthy behavior. Throughout my time in college Courtney would always invite me to events with her christian friends and although it was kind of nice being around them I would be introduced to 30 new people in 5 minutes and felt like I could never relate to any of them. Then she started inviting me to a house church her friends had started (with the help of said pastor) I thought I would go just to make her happy and why not its just another church thing right?

So finally around the end of April I decided to check it out, there was free food involved! So I walked over the the house and started the normal social-event chit chat while chowing down on pot luck food. Eventually they decided to get things started and unbeknownst to me there were some powerful spiritual leaders in the room. 

So they started off with group praying (me: doing alright so far,) until I heard strange noises coming from different sides of the room, some of these people were not praying in English! Having never heard anyone pray or speak in tongues I thought the world was coming to an end! I stuck around until the prayer started getting really intense and turning into powerful worship, thats when I ran out the front door hyperventilating and honestly thinking I was going to die. I stood outside crying and trying to figure out what was going on but my head was spinning while the Lord was doing crazy things in my spirit.

I finally decided to go back inside because I desperately needed water so I ran back into the house and through the worship where there was a tangible presence of God. While I was chugging water like my life depended on it this wonderful woman of God came up to me and started speaking about how everyones relationship with God looks different and how everyone worships differently because no two people are the same. While I tried to compose myself strange things were happening in my spirit that I didn't know about and for some reason I decided to enter into worship.

I walked back into the living room back into the tangible spirit of worship and as I walked in I saw in my spirit something like a circle encompassing the room and as I looked closer I saw that it was a circle of angels flying around in worship. I entered into the circle and started worshipping for the first time, for some reason I wanted to close my eyes and stretch my hands up to God. When I looked up I saw God (The God!!) look down on me from heaven, it was like a pipeline a heavenly pipeline from his face to mine, and he said to me, "You're mine." I continued to worship crying the whole time.

Then someone asked for prayer for their brother and they asked me to pray, (me: ok, it's been a long time since I've prayed a non-drunken prayer...) so I started praying and claiming things for this person sincerely asking God for this mans life my prayer littered with curse words said out of habit.

It was over just as quick as it started and people were going home (I'm sure it wasn't really that sudden I just had no concept of time.) My sister drove me to my dorm, gave me her bible, some other things to read and prayed for me before I got out of the car. 

It was a powerful experience that I will never forget, when God found me and claimed me for his own. I sure wasn't looking for God, but he found me! And I couldn't deny what happened, when you see God and feel his presence like that you just can't go back to a sinful life! Something had changed inside of me and for some strange reason I just couldn't go back! A Holy Spirit high is better than any other high ever experienced.

That was three years ago...

For God has done great and wonderful things!

It's probably time

"When you give your testimony, heaven Literally manifests around you and Literally drives away all demons." Brad McClendon

I love telling my testimony, well actually it's mixed emotions of shame and sadness from my past mixed with excitement for being able to claim who I am now and who I now belong to and serve!

I grew up in the church, pretty literally, my dad was the worship director and besides going to church every Sunday and Wednesday my sisters and I would play around in the church during his rehearsals and sometimes after school. It was a lovely childhood really, the church was beautiful and very magical for a child able to run around the property and explore all the parts of the church.

But I was also sensitive to the spiritual life around me and often wrote that it felt like I had a war in my head literally between good and evil. The enemy planted fear and sadness into my young mind and at the time I didn't understand Truth, the truth about me and the truths about life and how to stand my ground.

I struggled for years with depression and feeling like I was faking life and tried my hardest to "be a christian." I went to church all the time and listened to christian music but the war was still waging in my head and the temptations of the world were starting to clamor for my attention. 

So at the end of my 8th grade year going into high school I literally told God I'm done, I'm putting you on hold, I want to do my own thing and experience 'life' I think the exact words were a little more vulgar but you get the idea. I was still fearful of going to hell so I decided I would do the "Christian" thing after high school or maybe after college, whenever I could move to a new place and 'start over' I would totally do it then.

So I went through high school trying to destroy myself and check as many things off the "social checklist" I could, alcohol, pot, boys, sneaking out, parties all the things I thought normal kids did. Going into college was a total different story with no parents around I could do whatever I wanted and continued to destroy body and soul drinking more than my little body could take hanging out with unhealthy people and boys...

Then the christmas of my sophomore year my middle sister (Courtney), my parents and myself were sitting on the kitchen floor talking. Courtney was telling us about this pastor that had been coming up to Boone and mentoring some of her guy friends and some of the stories he told. Stories about God radically moving in churches, people being miraculously healed and stories of people seeing angels and visions from heaven! Our church growing up never did things like that, I had no idea that God would actually want to show up on earth or have a relationship with us or even relate to us!

To be continued...

Semblance of Normalcy

I love routines. 

I've always loved routines. I love (most of the time) knowing what is going to happen. No maybe thats all the time. I love knowing and preparing for what is going to happen. It's a mental preparation. 

I like having stuff to do. Knowing I have a purpose in life. I love not having a 9 to 5 job. I like that I can pick what I want to work. But I can't always pick the days and times I work. So I have to get up at 5 o'clock am to drive to Gastonia for the day or leave for a rehearsal in Hickory around 5 pm and not get home until midnight. 

Being self-employed there are no guaranties of when I'll get a pay check or if I'll have work. And trying to keep up with all those dates and times and places? How do you do that???

Oh, and having gigs on your birthday...on a Saturday...I'm still trying to get my head around that one.

I think today is just one of those, "Oh crap how am I going to keep up with all this" days. I'll be okay tomorrow.

Self-Control

2 Timothy 1:7  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

I read that the other day and it really struck me, God has given us a spirit of self-discipline meaning we are capable of learning and acting with self-discipline. 

I was reminded of this verse just this morning as I was eating breakfast which consisted of cereal and.......a cookie. That might not sound too bad but I ate a ton of cookies the night before and my stomach was still NOT feeling good. I was halfway through my cookie when I stopped and realized that I was not acting with self-control so I put the cookie right down on the table and walked away much to the bewilderment of everyone else at the table.

There are things I wish I had more self-discipline about; pulling hairs, words, eating and drinking too much and somehow deep inside it is freeing to read that God has given me a spirit of self-discipline to act out of.

God I would like more self-discipline in these areas please.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that Yahweh is God. 

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100

Mixed emotions

This is where I'll be this weekend:

With some of these:

Celebrating the life of this one:

Mixed emotions

Fall already???

Fall just up and sprang up on us this year! (or should I say it just 'fell' on us. hah!) We had a lovely "Boone" type of day not long ago but as I look outside in this mornings pale sunlight, I haven't been outside yet, but I know it's going to be chilly.....

As much as I hate sweating right after a shower I'm just not ready for fall! Surely this weather is just a fluke and we'll have one more week of sweltering hotness! At least I'm not going back to school now because I think I would be having tiny freak-outs about not being ready to grow up or where-the-heck-is-my-life-going-itis

.....wait, I'm still having that. Well, just give me two more days to lay out in the sun and feel it's rays sink into my skin! mmmm I love that feeling

Vacuum my spirit please pt. 2

See, the thing is I always expected, or maybe just wanted, God to walk around heaven with a big cricket bat….pull back….and *smack!*  every time we go astray. Painful, yes, but quick and over with.

But that’s not the way he works! And I don’t understand it.

God says he disciplines those he loves, I’m sure he disciplines me because I’m sure he loves me but I just don’t understand how! Maybe it is the silent treatment, a little cruel but he is quiet sometimes…

I guess I’m just so use to earthly crime and punishment. You do the crime you pay the price.

The only punishment I remember is from my parents or from school; getting grounded, things taken away, in-school suspension, academic probation, people always came to you and talked things through. ‘You’ve done this and now this will happen.’ You were always walked through the events that were happening, you could see, feel, and hear people it was so easy to grasp and understand. You could feel a person’s disappointment or disapproval and that would have an affect on you.

But God….God is so abstract. Sure you can feel him and sometimes hear him but it just isn’t as concrete! With God he just doesn’t sit down in front of you and explain what is happening.

But...

Maybe it's those pains that I feel in my heart when someone speaks truth that my heart needed to hear….but those kind of things feel good, so loving and tender, not at all the punishment sinful nature is used to.

Then again, this sinful world isn’t use to our God.

Vacuum my spirit please

Do you ever get that feeling inside where you feel spiritually dirty? Like maybe you haven't spent as much time as you should in your bible? Or you gave into some thoughts that you shouldn't have? Or you didn't listen to Gods tiny voice one time too many? And now he's gone into hiding?

This happens every now and again, I'll feel great spiritually for a while then things happen and I feel devoid, like I need God to come down riding on the clouds, knock me around for a bit, shove some truth in my ear, maybe I do a little crying (that makes everything better,) and that will somehow make me cleansed so I can show my face before God Almighty again.

The truth is I know I do need God for every aspect of my life.

But the truth is God is everywhere.

The truth is God is  in  every thing.

Maybe I've been listening to lies? God went into hiding back in the Old Testament, does he still go into hiding in this day and time?

Surely there is a balance in all this....but where?

Tat.

I did it. I got a tattoo. I'm kind of still in shock. And can't believe I did it. But I did, and I'm glad I did.

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who Believe and are saved." Heb. 10:39

This doesn't really pertain to the tat. post but this is just cool quotes from The Chronicles of Narnia and verses.

"Oh, Adam's sons, how cleverly you defend yourselves against all that might do you good!" The Magicians Nephew

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Heb. 11:1

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Heb. 11:6

"Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he's isn't safe. But he's good." The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe 

p.s. I went to see Coldplay last Friday night, best concert ever, felt the HS, absolutely amazing!

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness" Heb. 3:13

I'm...

I'm getting baptized today...Jesus I hope you know what you're doing.  Theres a lot of prayer going on for today and if you're reading this I hope you pray too :) I'll fill you in on the story later.

"For you I sing I dance, 

I rejoice in this Divine Romance, 

lift my heart and my hands to show my love."

A trick of the trade

"Guilty, I'm so guilty, and I'm guilty for the rest of my life...How come I never do, what I'm suppose to do? How come everything I try never turns out right? You know how it is with my baby, you know I just can't stand myself, but I've found myself in trouble and I had no where else to go..."

Here's something to try next time you get consumed by yourself: Go out and minister to someone.

The enemy likes to get you trapped inside yourself and your mind where it turns into a downward spiral of awfulness. He tried that on me this week and even though I didn't feel like getting out of myself and ministering to anyone there was a need, and as soon as I got encouraging words for that person I started feeling better, like a wasn't a failure. 

That song up at the top is an old one the Blues Brothers sang which I think Randy Newman wrote. It is an extremely depressing song about a guy who falls into drugs and alcohol and thinks he has no where else to turn to but a woman; thats us...We, as humans, Are guilty, our flesh is as guilty as ever. We never do what we're suppose to do, everything we try on our own never turns out right but that is the case of the fallen man.

This post isn't all depressing, yes we are guilty and deserve death but this is where that grace blog comes in, for some unfathomable reason because this crazy God sent his Only Child to earth to shed His blood for us some two thousand years ago we are set free.

We Are (present tense) set free.

So even if you've committed "your worst sin"* you are already set free from it, you were set free from it thousands of years ago before anyone back then even knew you or thought about you!

Let's accept it!!! Lets go out and share it! Get out of yourself! This life isn't about us, it's about God! and what He wants to do, sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of that. Col 3:1-3

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things Above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things Above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."

"Fake it 'till you make it!" Use that imagination! No matter how dull You think it is God gave it to you for a reason! Think clouds and golden gates, cats with halos, (cats have 9 lives duh) anything to get you out of your own mind! (Col. 1:21) If you need help ask for it! We're all in this together! Lets spread the Kingdom of God! Hallelujah? Yes and Amen.

*Fact: All sin is equal, murdering is equal to lying; sex before marriage : stealing. No one sin is greater than another.

Humor

Maybe it's just me but I think this is hilarious!

The nerd...the computer....the fat ol' God...

hilarious...

Grace

"Grace I call your name, oh won't your smile fall over me, I crouch and drink on hands and knees oh sweet grace rain down on me, I need you grace." Grace Phil Wickham

Ah! July 1st! I love new months! A new month feels so refreshing to me! New things are going to happen, I don't have much of a schedule yet-new, new, new! I always feel like coming into a new month is like wiping my slate clean again, all the mistakes I made in the last month are officially gone, all the stupid things I said last month are "Now Forgotten," it's like I'm a new person again!

But Gods been teaching me that's not exactly true...yes a new month is always exciting, but God gives us grace ALL the time! I mean Gods timing isn't human timing right? He gives us new grace   every day,   every hour,   every minute,   every second,   every millisecond!   He told me once 'Every second is a new second' This was in Costa Rica when I was walking with a lot of fear about what was going to happen and on this same trip He spoke to me about Choosing!  

God gives us a Choice to follow Him, He gives us a choice to accept His Grace and His UNFATHOMABLE LOVE! So it is our responsibility in our Relationship with God to Choose how we walk in life, we can choose to drink 'til we barf, gossip about our friends etc. OR we can choose to walk in the Fruits of The Spirit! Clothe ourselves in Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control!

It's a choice! What?! The deity that created THE UNIVERSE gives US, mere humans, a CHOICE! What Freedom we can live in if we only CHOOSE!

Whoa...

Shame

So, I don't really blog often once every six months? Hah! Only when I'm lead to...Anyways the Lord has really been teaching me about shame. I was down in Costa Rica a week ago in an area known for sexual perversion talking to teenage girls about shame-oi vay-now granted teenagers in general don't open up so talking to them about shame was like talking to a brick wall!

Regardless, the Lord has been teaching me about shame, basically when temptation comes, or for me, when the enemy brings pictures in my head or says 'hey, remember when you did this?' the Bible says to RUN away from temptation to run into the arms of your father. Your father who has already forgotten!

I was talking to one of my greatest friends about shame and hurt from the past and she was saying how us humans like to hold on to that hurt thinking God can't or won't want to take care of that! 

How true is that? 

And how untrue it is!

Of course your lover, your father, your God CAN take that pain! And of course your lover, your father and your God WANTS to take that pain! Which brings us to trust...which I'm not going to get into but the Lord has really been showing me how to Run into his arms when temptation comes and especially when Shame comes! I'm thinking about memorizing some scripture to throw into the enemy's face when he comes-thats how Jesus did it when he was tempted so....why not me?

God is a great God, let's be still and know that he IS God.