Holy Matrimony!

I had a good conversation with a really good friend today

about boys...

about our similar and different views on relationships.

I've dated, I had an official boyfriend in college

for one month :)

aaand I've had some unhealthy relationships with boys.

But now, I'm almost uninterested in dating.

I'm a to-the-point kinda girl

all or nothin'

I don't want to beat around the bush

I just want to meet a guy

fall in love

and get married

bam. bam. bam.

We talked about courting-

the establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.

I'm not messing around

I have no desire to get into a relationship and tangle all sorts of heart strings

then figure out it's not right.

Even further, I don't like talking about boys in a dating sort of light.

Because even just talking about it

turns my heart strings into flailing octopus tentacles,

just dying to reach out and suction onto "love."

My heart can sometimes fall so easily into artificial "love"

It's messy, and not in the good kind

like when God messes around with your heart (thats good)

Ultimately it's lust

and I'm feeling 'lusted-out.'

The next relationship I have I deeply desire for it to be holy

and pure.

The last time I tried making a 'list' for my 'husband-to-be'

it ended up with like three things on it with the biggest being

he has to be like Jesus. He has to be passionately in love with Jesus.

I heard someone say this once and I like it;

I want to fall in love with the Jesus inside of him.

So I'm thankful that even though I feel social (and self) pressure to be married,

the Lord has really changed my heart lately to feel content with single-hood again.

It has to be Gods timing, and I'll just have to wait-no-trust. Ok.