What God does for me

Over these past couple of weeks (I have a short memory span, it's probably been longer) God has been amazing! Like, unexplainably great to me! 

I've been praying and asking God for all sorts of things going into situations that I might not feel real comfortable in, teaching and dealing with middle and high schoolers, giving me TONS of grace with work...the list goes on!

I will pray and ask for all sorts of things (somethings I won't remember praying for) and God has been consistently delivering!

I'm still in shock.

I feel like I'm getting spoiled.....

I'm kind of okay with that...

Holy cow God is amazing!

It's probably time pt. 2

"When you give your testimony, heaven Literally manifests around you and Literally drives away all demons." Brad McClendon

That fall semester of my sophomore year was when my drinking and foolishness peaked, I was depressed (thinking I was happy) and my body was deteriorating with my unhealthy behavior. Throughout my time in college Courtney would always invite me to events with her christian friends and although it was kind of nice being around them I would be introduced to 30 new people in 5 minutes and felt like I could never relate to any of them. Then she started inviting me to a house church her friends had started (with the help of said pastor) I thought I would go just to make her happy and why not its just another church thing right?

So finally around the end of April I decided to check it out, there was free food involved! So I walked over the the house and started the normal social-event chit chat while chowing down on pot luck food. Eventually they decided to get things started and unbeknownst to me there were some powerful spiritual leaders in the room. 

So they started off with group praying (me: doing alright so far,) until I heard strange noises coming from different sides of the room, some of these people were not praying in English! Having never heard anyone pray or speak in tongues I thought the world was coming to an end! I stuck around until the prayer started getting really intense and turning into powerful worship, thats when I ran out the front door hyperventilating and honestly thinking I was going to die. I stood outside crying and trying to figure out what was going on but my head was spinning while the Lord was doing crazy things in my spirit.

I finally decided to go back inside because I desperately needed water so I ran back into the house and through the worship where there was a tangible presence of God. While I was chugging water like my life depended on it this wonderful woman of God came up to me and started speaking about how everyones relationship with God looks different and how everyone worships differently because no two people are the same. While I tried to compose myself strange things were happening in my spirit that I didn't know about and for some reason I decided to enter into worship.

I walked back into the living room back into the tangible spirit of worship and as I walked in I saw in my spirit something like a circle encompassing the room and as I looked closer I saw that it was a circle of angels flying around in worship. I entered into the circle and started worshipping for the first time, for some reason I wanted to close my eyes and stretch my hands up to God. When I looked up I saw God (The God!!) look down on me from heaven, it was like a pipeline a heavenly pipeline from his face to mine, and he said to me, "You're mine." I continued to worship crying the whole time.

Then someone asked for prayer for their brother and they asked me to pray, (me: ok, it's been a long time since I've prayed a non-drunken prayer...) so I started praying and claiming things for this person sincerely asking God for this mans life my prayer littered with curse words said out of habit.

It was over just as quick as it started and people were going home (I'm sure it wasn't really that sudden I just had no concept of time.) My sister drove me to my dorm, gave me her bible, some other things to read and prayed for me before I got out of the car. 

It was a powerful experience that I will never forget, when God found me and claimed me for his own. I sure wasn't looking for God, but he found me! And I couldn't deny what happened, when you see God and feel his presence like that you just can't go back to a sinful life! Something had changed inside of me and for some strange reason I just couldn't go back! A Holy Spirit high is better than any other high ever experienced.

That was three years ago...

For God has done great and wonderful things!

It's probably time

"When you give your testimony, heaven Literally manifests around you and Literally drives away all demons." Brad McClendon

I love telling my testimony, well actually it's mixed emotions of shame and sadness from my past mixed with excitement for being able to claim who I am now and who I now belong to and serve!

I grew up in the church, pretty literally, my dad was the worship director and besides going to church every Sunday and Wednesday my sisters and I would play around in the church during his rehearsals and sometimes after school. It was a lovely childhood really, the church was beautiful and very magical for a child able to run around the property and explore all the parts of the church.

But I was also sensitive to the spiritual life around me and often wrote that it felt like I had a war in my head literally between good and evil. The enemy planted fear and sadness into my young mind and at the time I didn't understand Truth, the truth about me and the truths about life and how to stand my ground.

I struggled for years with depression and feeling like I was faking life and tried my hardest to "be a christian." I went to church all the time and listened to christian music but the war was still waging in my head and the temptations of the world were starting to clamor for my attention. 

So at the end of my 8th grade year going into high school I literally told God I'm done, I'm putting you on hold, I want to do my own thing and experience 'life' I think the exact words were a little more vulgar but you get the idea. I was still fearful of going to hell so I decided I would do the "Christian" thing after high school or maybe after college, whenever I could move to a new place and 'start over' I would totally do it then.

So I went through high school trying to destroy myself and check as many things off the "social checklist" I could, alcohol, pot, boys, sneaking out, parties all the things I thought normal kids did. Going into college was a total different story with no parents around I could do whatever I wanted and continued to destroy body and soul drinking more than my little body could take hanging out with unhealthy people and boys...

Then the christmas of my sophomore year my middle sister (Courtney), my parents and myself were sitting on the kitchen floor talking. Courtney was telling us about this pastor that had been coming up to Boone and mentoring some of her guy friends and some of the stories he told. Stories about God radically moving in churches, people being miraculously healed and stories of people seeing angels and visions from heaven! Our church growing up never did things like that, I had no idea that God would actually want to show up on earth or have a relationship with us or even relate to us!

To be continued...

Semblance of Normalcy

I love routines. 

I've always loved routines. I love (most of the time) knowing what is going to happen. No maybe thats all the time. I love knowing and preparing for what is going to happen. It's a mental preparation. 

I like having stuff to do. Knowing I have a purpose in life. I love not having a 9 to 5 job. I like that I can pick what I want to work. But I can't always pick the days and times I work. So I have to get up at 5 o'clock am to drive to Gastonia for the day or leave for a rehearsal in Hickory around 5 pm and not get home until midnight. 

Being self-employed there are no guaranties of when I'll get a pay check or if I'll have work. And trying to keep up with all those dates and times and places? How do you do that???

Oh, and having gigs on your birthday...on a Saturday...I'm still trying to get my head around that one.

I think today is just one of those, "Oh crap how am I going to keep up with all this" days. I'll be okay tomorrow.

Self-Control

2 Timothy 1:7  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."

I read that the other day and it really struck me, God has given us a spirit of self-discipline meaning we are capable of learning and acting with self-discipline. 

I was reminded of this verse just this morning as I was eating breakfast which consisted of cereal and.......a cookie. That might not sound too bad but I ate a ton of cookies the night before and my stomach was still NOT feeling good. I was halfway through my cookie when I stopped and realized that I was not acting with self-control so I put the cookie right down on the table and walked away much to the bewilderment of everyone else at the table.

There are things I wish I had more self-discipline about; pulling hairs, words, eating and drinking too much and somehow deep inside it is freeing to read that God has given me a spirit of self-discipline to act out of.

God I would like more self-discipline in these areas please.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that Yahweh is God. 

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100

Mixed emotions

This is where I'll be this weekend:

With some of these:

Celebrating the life of this one:

Mixed emotions

Fall already???

Fall just up and sprang up on us this year! (or should I say it just 'fell' on us. hah!) We had a lovely "Boone" type of day not long ago but as I look outside in this mornings pale sunlight, I haven't been outside yet, but I know it's going to be chilly.....

As much as I hate sweating right after a shower I'm just not ready for fall! Surely this weather is just a fluke and we'll have one more week of sweltering hotness! At least I'm not going back to school now because I think I would be having tiny freak-outs about not being ready to grow up or where-the-heck-is-my-life-going-itis

.....wait, I'm still having that. Well, just give me two more days to lay out in the sun and feel it's rays sink into my skin! mmmm I love that feeling